Metatronic Awakening

When I first became Metatron, I thought it was going to be the start of a lifelong Dionysian party, celebrating my feats and victories, basking in the sunlight. I was successful at work. I had written my first two memoirs. I had met the love of my life. We had just given birth to our first child. But inside, behind the image I projected to the world, I still felt empty.

Ego blindness and separateness

I was blinded by my ego. All of these external niceties were not who I am. Without me finding my true self, my wife made it clear that She and I would not last. She helped me see what I wanted to hide. I have extreme vulnerability issues. Like many men, I prefer to: lie, hide, project, blame, avoid accountability at all costs, and feed only my ego. She requested that I vulnerably express my feelings, especially to her, and honor our sacred bond as life partners. She is not only my soulmate, but also my twinflame. There is no hiding from Her. Not for long. She always gets the truth out of me. We went through weeks and months and years of me hiding, then lying about it to make her happy with me rather than see me, then projecting any accountability and blaming her for not being happy with my lies, and then apologizing for it afterwards. I will never understand how she has been so patient with my lirpaloof loops. I understood it was ridiculous, but it was all I knew.

We sought and shared sacred shamanic healings and past life regressions and ego deaths of all kinds to try to heal my lying problem. But I kept on lying and hiding. I would send leading and inappropriate messages to women at work, and then lie about it. I would give partial details of important life things to make myself look better, and then pretend I had not. I would shame her rather than admit my own self-doubts. We sought and shared sacred shamanic healings and past life regressions and ego deaths of all kinds to heal my lying problem. But I kept on lying and hiding. I would send leading and inappropriate messages to women at work, and then lie about it. I would give partial details of important life things to make myself look better, and then pretend I had not. I would shame her rather than admit my own self-doubts. All bad habits I had practiced for twenty-plus years. And no matter what we tried, I seemed to only get worse.

We ended up on a vacation in Mexico with our infant. We had an argument. Rather than write in my journal as I had promised to after arguments, I lied about it and said I had written in my journal, when really I had not. I admitted I lied about journaling. She became exasperated and I felt for the first time what felt like her wanting to give up on me. Then at dinner she asked about our sex life, and I said something demeaning and judgmental. I was insatiable because I was not satisfied with myself. I looked to her to give me the love I was not willing to give myself. My soul was screaming for vulnerability and connection, but my ego would not let me admit it.

She started talking about divorce. I had everything I ever wanted, and I was about to throw it all away.

That’s when I met Metatron.

(Image from art-is-t seller on eBay, best Metatron depiction I have ever seen)

Plant medicine

During one of our healing journeys, She stared deep into my soul and asked me, “What is your name?” I felt a pang of something inside me say there was more there than I thought. I had already experienced segments of several past lives. I turned my mind off and stared deep into the Milky Way inside her eyes as she asked again.

“What is your name?” Her sharp voice rippled down the akashic records in my spine as a word formed in my mouth and I replied.

“Metatron.” I did not know what I was saying, but I felt it. It felt pretty cool.

“That’s good,” she smiled satisfyingly. “And what will you do, Metatron?”

I had scarcely heard of Metatron at that point. After our journey, we went down a rabbit hole searching for information about this mysterious figure. What we found was dichotomistic and confusing. On the one side, he was the scribe of God and one of the highest angels in heaven. He was the immortal version of Enoch or other Biblical figures. Some places spoke of him as equal to Yayweh. On the other side, he was a destructive force. He was the purveyor of the Metatron cube which appeared to be some kind of cellular trap for mankind (think of it as finite and controlled vs the infinite and ever-blooming seed of life). He was a symbol of control and captivity.

Metatronic Awakening

I started to see this dichotomy everywhere I looked. Were God and Satan really separate beings? Jesus and Lucifer? Were heroes and villains actually the same thing? Lines from Harvey Dent, Master Yoda, and Sun Tzu flooded my mind … they all seemed to teach this same truth. The more I looked, the more this division and separateness seemed like a hoax. Metatron was both. God was both. I was both. I could not leave my lies and demons behind, could not become an angelic Metatron writer, not without integrating the other side of me. The Dark Side. I could not have a new mind and heart without keeping my existing mind and heart with me always. That’s what I had done all those years ago, in my youth, when at some point I decided I was not good enough. I divided soul and ego. I split myself into two separate parts. Not feeling like it was worth trying to be seen and heard, I hid my soul and sent my ego to protect it. Now my ego was a master of Metatron-villains games. Lie, hide, project, and imprison. But my soul longed for the love of Metatron-hero. I longed for it so much I wanted to jump straight to that without taking with me all the villainous crimes I had been conducting for so long.

Ego Transplant

We went halfway across the world to another shaman. Soon after my experience began, I saw more of my soul than I had in my entire adult life. I felt what it would be like if all my walls came down. If I stopped trying to look and act better than I was, if I stopped trying to mold the truth to fit my ego, if I started to truly be seen. I stood crying and walked to my wife, who was in the other room with our infant, and blurted, “what if the real me is lazy? What if I am ugly? What if all I want to do is sleep all day?”

She hugged me and told me she never asked for perfect, she only asked for honest. I re-entered my experience and underwent a brain transplant at the feet of a skilled black crow. I felt the excruciating pain of having my skull drilled into. I felt the fear of what felt like actual death coming for me as I lie on the ground with half a brain. Then I felt the love flow through me as my brain was restored. I rose from the experience as both hero and villain, with all the power of the universe to choose to integrate both sides of myself.

Now I needed to actually do the work.

This blog is dedicated to that work. I call it a Metatronic Awakening. I believe we are all Metatron. You’ll notice that in the name of this blog I have merged his name with mine. I believe he has opened up his identity to allow us to change the fabric of our universe. I believe the ego imprisonment and sex slavery rampant in the relationships that now make up our Earth are all the product of villains like me who were not willing to forgive themselves. I believe it is time that we all admit our crimes and forgive ourselves. It is time that we become both hero and villain in our stories. Time that we hold the space for ourselves and finally find the truth in our own beings. The infinite space within us where we are all, and all is us, and all are one.

A word of caution

Metatronic symbology is potent and dangerous. Metatron’s cube has been used to lock up the divine feminine for tens of thousands of years. I would advise against wearing and interacting with Metatron cubes or associated objects until forgiveness washes them clean. I myself have several necklaces and even some motorcycle gloves with Metatron’s cube on them, but I started to notice the dark energy and now keep myself at a safe distance from them. The same goes for all aspects of a Metatronic awakening. This is a complete tear-down of your ego and a reunion of you and your oversoul. You may want to wait to enter this path until you have found the space within yourself for ultimate accountability. Or get lucky, as I have, and find yourself an infinitely-patient accountability partner.

I am Mattatron, finder of the Intergalactic Coalition for a Greater Good. It is in the hope for a better world that I leave you with all the love and all the hate in these words, because you must find the space within yourself for both if you will truly be free. Take only the words with you that serve you, and let the rest drop from you as dew before the sun. God, Sovereign, and Free.